I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
