16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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