Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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