we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
