Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
