if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
im six kinds of drunk right now
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
