Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
