My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
