There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
