If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
