Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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