Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There's always time for handjobs
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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