Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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