paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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