I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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