I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
