I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
sarcasm needs its own font
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
