If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
