you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
