I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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