just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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