I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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