What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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