she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
