we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
