Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
