I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
