So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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