Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
