Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
