You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
