goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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