Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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