my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
