don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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