I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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