Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
