He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
