me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
