my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The best revenge is premature balding
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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