eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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