I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
