I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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