Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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