the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
