thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
