Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
