And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize