He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
