do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
