the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize