There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
