they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
