hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
