I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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