lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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