if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize