I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
