im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
