the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
