he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
