His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
