Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
