Just cropdusted the office
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
