apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
