loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
