I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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