The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
