finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
